Thursday 17 September 2015

The Best Student Directed Muslim Sex Education Class I've Ever Attended

Part I: The Flood of Awkward and the Drowning of Ease
September 17, 2015
Jesse

*Names and dates have been changed to protect the innocent. Quotes have been paraphrased to spare the reader from the harsh conditions that we all faced*

The following is a tale not for the weak of heart. If you grew up with a caring, well adjusted family and easily assimilated into social situations following the exact patterns a healthy, normal, completely sane member of society should follow, you need to stop reading now. This is not a story for you, go back to your impeccable, well-timed haircuts and your perfect sleep cycle.

This is a story for the clumsy, the coarse, the ungraceful, the uncomfortably blunt, those of us who didn't even get to talk to the homecoming queen and if we did, it was a terrible experience for her. This is the story of a gangly crew of misfits not unlike you and me. This is the story of my Indonesian Language and Culture Class and two very specific classes within the curriculum, Romance and Sex Education.

I must say I was worried coming into it. I'm no stranger to awkward situations but even I couldn't fathom what would become of a class of 20 year old Muslims wearing their Hijabs opening up about something they've been told not to discuss their entire lives. The teacher set the stage, she challenged us, she made the environment a safe place, a place of sharing, and share we did.

The first class was about romance and courtship. Just a nice little warm-up for the main event. At Gajah Mada  student-directed classes are fairly normal. So just picture all the awkwardness of a 10 minute student presentation, then give the speakers English as a second language, then make the presentation 2.5 hours.  Awkward.  Heavy, penetrating awkward coming at you from all angles, you'd look over at the person next to you and you could see them, in that very moment, scarred deeply and hauntingly in a way that would stick with them for life. Everywhere people were shifting uncomfortably in their seats, trying to time their bathroom breaks perfectly to minimize the damage, some just completely gave up on their lives and let their heads fall onto the desk submitting to the awkward.



Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the presenting students instructed us to look under our seats. Four seats had pieces of paper taped to the bottom of them, these were to be involuntary actors in a play about romance. The awkward was beginning to darken, no one would emerge the same.  After the play which featured men cast as women and vice versa, the presenting students realized they still had time to kill. They would not just kill this time but murder it in a vicious, blood-thirsty massacre that preyed upon whatever innocence we had left in our hearts.


"And now, we would like to play a game called 'Awkward Dating Moments'."

The awkward was harsh, black and stinging all it touched. Now it was doubled, we would be in an awkward situation talking about previous awkward situations.

"I would like to tell one." Said a tall, thin-faced student feeling that he could defeat the awkwardness by embracing it.

"I am once talking with this girl on the Facebook. And in her picture she is very nice. Nice smile and pretty face so we make the date at a mall. Well I got there and I could not see her so I call on phone and she says 'yes I am here already.'  I look to see her and she is very pretty in Facebook picture but in real life she is so fat! I text my sister to call and say my grandma is sick so I can leave."

The awkward subsided just for a moment and was replaced by moral judgements.  One girl in a floral patterned Hijab broke the silence.

"I think it was very unfair the way you treated her."

"No you don't understand. She was sooo fat."

"But is that the only reason you left? Didn't you consider her feelings?"

"I'm sorry. I don't think you hear my story properly. In her picture she was pretty but in real life very fat."

"Did she use a fake picture?"

"No it was her face only not body."

"So you thought her face was pretty?"

"Yes, but that is before I knew she was fat."

"This is very irresponsible. You shouldn't have left like that."

"I'm sorry. I wish I had picture to show you because then you understand. She was sooooo fat."

The back and forth continued and the awkward began to reestablish itself as the dominating force in the room. This young man did not understand the fact that fat people have feelings too and the more they tried to convince him the more confused he became assuming they were confused. The teacher allowed this conversation to go on unmoderated. In the back of my mind I think she knew what she was doing, she felt a surge of power from the deep social discomfort we felt. We needed an out, we needed a lifeline. We were two hours in and the biting, trenchant, soul-choking awkward threatened our ability to ever exhibit smooth confidence again. At the moment the teacher interjected.

"Alright class, that is it for today's lesson. I will see you all next week for our lecture on Sex Education..."

We thought it was over, we thought we were free, we were wrong.

To be continued...


Thursday 10 September 2015

Oh Yeah... Indonesia

Oh yeah... Indonesia

September 11, 2015
Jesse

So I had a moment the other day where Nick Brandle's voice popped into my head: "So there I was at rush hour in Jogjakarta, driving my scooter up the sidewalk to bypass the line of cars ahead of me with my sleeping toddler son on the back..." Because the only way that random ass phrase really makes sense is if it's something that Nick's beard told him to say. But then I remembered 'Oh Yeah... Indonesia'

That's the phrase that has really dominated my life as I start to become somewhat comfortable and then I see something that just should not be. I wonder, then I remember. Here's a list of examples:

Oh cool I wonder if this is some kind of scooter rally... Oh Yeah... Indonesia. 
Why is there a man selling toy airplanes in the middle of this four lane highway?  Oh yeah... Indonesia. 
Why did the plumber say he'd be here at 10 on Tuesday morning and just showed up at 3pm on Wednesday? Oh yeah... Indonesia.
Why is this group of schoolchildren all pointing and laughing at me? Oh yeah... Indonesia.
Is that guy wearing a Yankees jacket and a Red Sox hat? Oh yeah... Indonesia.
Why is this the most beautiful restaurant I've ever been to and the most expensive thing on the menu is 6$? Oh yeah... Indonesia.

We're eating at incredible restaurants every night and we've made a nice cross section of friends. Everyone from traditional Muslim (and catholic) families, to crazy sexy European students, to the Expats. The expat community is amazing, they are perfectly our speed, they don't party till 6 am and then go home to presumably have hot, fashion-conscious orgies like the Europeans but they still like their booze and Cards Against Humanity. They have kids to play with Benny and there's an actual real live North American to talk to! When we got to the BBQ it was like prison yard introductions. "This is the guy who can get you any pork product you're after. If you want whiskey talk to this man here..." It was very bad ass. The pork guy did not fail to deliver. We ate smoked ribs, double smoked bacon, back bacon, double smoked chicken that tasted like bacon, incredible homemade pepperonis and jerkey and then they go "Okay time for dinner, here's the steaks." Oh my god it was amazing. Then the beer guy showed up, it's illegal to sell beer in the North end of Jogja so he brought beer for everyone from the south. It felt like Canada once again.  But next time I jumped on my scooter I thought:

Why is that guy balancing what seems to be 6 dozen inflatable beach toys on his head while driving a scooter down the highway?
Did that scooter just cut off a 5 ton truck narrowly avoiding death by mere inches?!!?! Oh yeah... Indonesia.

Driving a scooter in Indonesia has changed my perspective of living in the moment. Because it is absolute chaos and believe me when I say there is no time for one second of daydreaming . Trying to do little errands has changed my perspective on communication. Do you have any idea how hard it is to venture into Downtown Yogyakarta at 8pm in search of four M6 screws? Damn right I failed. But I did get directions to an address I half forgot from a guy who didn't speak a word of english. Didn't fail to find the party!  So maybe it comes down to how bad you want to understand.

Hey... Why is that woman picking up Benny and getting her picture taken? Oh yeah... Indonesia.

Benny is absolutely tearing it up. He loves his celebrity status and he has definitely made the most friends out of all of us. When there are other kids around he becomes the happiest little dude just running around, counting loudly, whipping the ball everywhere. He hates leaving though and says bye to every object in the place. "Bye fish, bye ball, bye slide, bye mow (a cat), bye 1,2,3 (if there's any numbers in his view) bye up the stairs, bye turtle, by lizard, bye motor bikes." God forbid you are actually trying to get something done and he sees a basketball net somewhere. He just wants to go look at it. Seriously, he'd be happy just watching an unused basketball net for an hour or so.

Why is there a chicken in the office of international affairs at my university? Oh yeah... Indonesia.

School has been awkwardly inspiring so far. The Language and Culture class is my favorite for sure as we have a teacher who likes to challenge us and our perceptions and students who react with nervous humor. This has led to some of the greatest unintentional comedic moments of my life as we discussed sex and romance as a class the last two sessions. However, that deserves it's very own blog post. I hope you enjoyed this blog post as all of the computer rooms are closed for Friday prayers so I just jumped on the librarians computer. Been here an hour, no one has said anything. Oh Yeah... Indonesia.

Thursday 3 September 2015

Every Day is a New Adventure

September 3rd, 2015
Yogyakarta (Jogja)
Jennifer

So we've finally moved into our new home in Jogja. We said goodbye to our Homestay family and living in 1 room with 3 people and hello to a huge, 2-bedroom, open-concept, beautiful home complete with an indoor fish pond, a full kitchen, and an actual bathtub (yes, this is a big deal!). We were also greeted by the previous tenants messy floors, cobwebs, dirty cabinets and flooding toilet. As a result, we met their pet ants, cockroaches, and other terrifying insects that make me itchy just thinking about them. I'm just finally coming to terms with sharing our house with geckos and frogs, but cockroaches--THE WORST!

Our Family at Andelis Homestay, Jogja
Maybe Benny knocked off his tail with his umbrella 'hockey stick'


Needless to say my paranoia and OCD kicked in to overdrive after we found a banana half eaten on the kitchen table when we woke up in the morning (IT WASN'T BENNY!) and we went on a cleaning frenzy, had the landlord call a plumber, an exterminator and a house cleaner. I know I am a Westerner clean freak living in SE Asia and trust me I am adjusting to lower standards, but I can't sleep knowing there are cockroaches big enough out there to take bites out of bananas like that, it might be my face next time....








Despite the unwanted house guests, our new home is very beautiful and I know it will just be a matter of time (and bleach) before we are settled in and feeling more comfortable. Benny doesn't mind sharing a room with house geckos and he has so much room to play here; our front entrance is basically set up as a basketball court at the moment.





We have explored our neighbourhood a little and there are plenty of amazing restaurants just a short walk or scooter ride away including a seafood restaurant called Rasane where we had an entire grilled fish, calamari, fried tempeh, green beans, mussels, rice, and all of our drinks for about $12CAD amongst the koi ponds and palm trees. We have also dined at a few warungs now that we are becoming a little more adventurous with our digestive systems.. (I just want to note that my auto-correct changed Warung to 'warning' which is actually quite valid). A warung, for those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about, is basically a small, family-owned (sometimes just an extension of their house) shop or food stand generally made out of bamboo, wood, and/or tin. The warungs that sell food typically offer local dishes like Nasi Goreng, Mie Goreng, and Sate; they speak little to no English; and chef Ramsey would use a lot of F-bombs about their sanitary situation. To give you an idea: lunch for the 3 of us (either fried rice or noodles with chicken or chicken sate with rice and peanut sauce) including drinks is about $3CAD. Because they don't speak any english and the menus are all in Indonesian, we  generally end up having whatever we can say in Indonesian like "Nasi Goreng Ayam" (fried rice with chicken), or we point to a picture in the menu which is great if you like to play Russian Roulette with your mouth and end up burning off your taste buds. PS. Never trust an Indonesian when they say it's not spicy, they are lying--Always "TIDAK PEDAS"

The View at Rasane Seafood 


Our new neighbourhood is also great for Benny and me when Jesse is at school because we are a short walk away from a great cafe called Epic Coffee, which is where western people go in Indonesia to eat French food. We are also a 10 minute walk to a preschool/play group where Benny can socialize with other kids his age and where I have offered to volunteer once a week; however, one thing I have learned being here is that you cannot get your hopes up about anything as the organizational skills of some of these establishments is non-existent. ie. I brought Benny to this playgroup 2 days in a row, interviewed with 2 women who confirmed Benny to come back the following day to begin his first day and then I received a text message from them saying their school is full... UUUUGH, and you don't argue with them because this is just the way it is here! So we will hope for good news by the end of the week to see when we can start, otherwise there are a few other schools including a Montessori preschool in our neighbourhood we will check out.



Another benefit to our new location is being a 5 minute drive to the 5-star Hyatt Hotel where all of the culture shocked foreigners go on Sundays for an amazing brunch buffet and to swim in their many luxurious pools amongst the palm trees.


One of the many pools at The Hyatt

Is this real life?


Tomorrow, Benny and I will attempt to order a taksi to take us to a gym I have heard about from other expats that has a great playroom for children and a swimming pool. I am certainly missing my workouts and I cannot keep using the phrase "I'm on vacation" for 5 months. It will be great to establish some sort of a routine for both me and Benny as life has been super chaotic these past few weeks, every task is a challenge for us with the language barrier, the new surroundings, and the difference in culture. Each time we walk out our front door we just don't know what might happen, every day is a new adventure making me so grateful to be here with my little family.

A few things I am missing about Home:
1. Sidewalks: these just don't exist in Jogja. You're lucky if you find a street where there is a foot of broken up brick and sand that you can walk on that isn't already covered with chickens (trust me, they don't want to cross the road), usually you just walk on the road while a thousand scooters swerve around you without slowing down, it's great.
2. Recycling: everything goes in the trash, which is then burned on the sidewalk (actually)... Mmmm nothing like waking up to the smell of burning trash in the morning lemme tell ya.
3. Drinking tap water: I have a hard enough time bathing in the water here knowing what the river under the bridge smells like.




A few things I am loving about Indonesia:
1. The people: there are 400K people living in Jogja (a city that is about 33km2, which is less than half the size of Victoria) and I have yet to meet one I didn't like. The positivity and generosity of these people is unlike anywhere I've been.
2. The food: obviously!
3. The pace: talk about island time. Although it can be frustrating when you would really like something to be done at a time when they say they are going to do it, no one gets worked up about it here, it is just the way it is and even though it would kill a business in North America, it is a nice way to live for a while.


Selamet Sore!

Jenn